To Spanx or not to Spanx? That my fellow FFF's is the question.
Well actually its not is it.
I mean, who doesn't secretly have to succumb to a pair of seasonal Spanx when they're pouring themselves into last years bodycon bandage dress for this years Xmas party, still looking every bit like one of the platters of party food on display - full of sausage rolls and pigs in blankets!
Why oh why do we put ourselves through the torture and ritual humiliation?
What's good for the Kardashians isn't necessarily good for us FFF's. Have a word with yourself this year before you choose your party outfit. It needn't be age appropriate (bollox to that) but at the very least please ensure that you can breathe and enjoy the proceedings. We probably won't be invited to as many parties this year as last so make sure you fully enjoy yourself and leave plenty of room for BUBBLES! Lots and lots of bubbles. Preferably pink Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque ones!
So today I'm going to have a little muse about lingerie and pull together my own pick of labels I love.
It's that time of year again when your other half, desperate for a gift idea, ventures with trepidation into one of the following places: Agent Provocateur, Selfridges, M&S, Victoria's Secret or Ann Summers! Now this is going to depend entirely upon his preferences only and not what he knows about you, your body shape or your personal tastes!
It will be determined by:
a. how sophisticated and knowledgeable he is about what actually constitutes sexy lingerie
b. what his budget is as there are some eye wateringly expensive brands out there
c. how much of a dirty perv he is!
Given that most of us are wearing the wrong sized bra already and we are constantly battling the bulge and in denial about our annually growing hip size, is there any wonder that he comes back every year with a 34B bra and size 10 knickers when actually you're a 32DD and size 14 and have told him like a 100 times! He's doomed really isn't he! Destined for failure!
My other half is younger than me, hates shopping of any kind and is totally clueless about designers. He's also a very red blooded Italian-Mexican mix. That means, the best I can hope for is a trip to Anne Summers, the prize being an entirely inappropriate body stocking of some description that makes me look like a Yorkshire pudding. His idea of sexy is found on the girls in Spearmint Rhino. That extends to what he thinks my shoes should be like too - stripper shoes are what he likes. The higher and sluttier the better. The ones I can't walk in and make me look like Dick Emery in drag as I teeter around the bedroom trying to look all "come hither!"
So it normally falls to Mummy Bear to buy me the usual seasonal undies which, you guessed it, come from good old M&S.
She's got pretty good taste as it goes and normally opts for something from Rosie Huntingon-Whiteley's Autograph collection. I think she rather enjoys picking out something a little bit racy and always teams the bra with tiny matching knickers! Thanks Beryl.
But if I was going to be choosing underwear for myself, what would I actually opt for?
Well, good question and below I've listed a few labels and pieces that would be on my own wish list this Xmas.
Damaris produces exquisite and exclusive small run pieces that are entirely crafted by hand. I am lucky enough to have purchased (for myself of course!) several pairs of their knickers over the years and they are drop dead gorgeous. That's probably why I'm almost bankrupt. Totally over the top, beautifully designed, expertly made from the finest most delicate French lace and opulent Italian silk. A total sensory experience! They need to be dry cleaned. Seriously - how impractical is that? They are AMAZEBALLS though.
Over to the high street now and for something all together more affordable. We all know that Rosie is totally stunning but what about her lingerie range? I already said that this features regularly as a stocking filler every Xmas from my Mum. She generally combines flattering and feminine fits and fabrics with a nod again to gorgeous French lace (Rosie that is, not my mum!)
I'm sure you were already expecting this eponymous luxurious and super sexy lingerie brand to feature on my list. Who doesn't own a bit of their very own Agent or fancy themselves from time to time as femme fatale provocateur! Love their ranges, including their swimwear and hosiery too. AP fuses romanticism with high voltage va va voom and always uses tactile textures. Prepare to be touched.
On-line store Figleaves is a great go-to site for a whole host of fabulous ranges and designer collections to suit all budgets and has its own in house limited edition range of undies too which look great. Some beautiful pieces and lots to covet!
I mentioned Spanx earlier. We can't all be blessed with Victoria's Secret Angel's bodies and those of us who like a tipple of 10 are likely to suffer from a bit more abdominal bloat than usual at this time of year. Whilst we could try only drinking water, resorting to some carefully crafted Shapewear is probably a more realistic option. Woolford have some lovely and very basic, minimalistic and super flattering pieces that are worth investing in. Beautifully constructed with various degrees of control.
L'Agent is a collaboration between the incredibly beautiful Cruz sisters (Penelope and Monica) and Sarah Shotton, Creative Director of Agent Provocateur. A fine set of FFF's if ever I saw one.
The ethos behind the brand being to create sexy but comfortable lingerie that all women can wear. Featuring intricate embroidery and designs and ensuring that diversity of ages, shapes, sizes and personalities is fully catered for.
Stella's collection is always centred around sustainability - giving back where possible and sticking to strong brand values that are all about honest, integrity and modernity. Oh and fabulous lingerie too! She's does do lingerie rather well does our Stella.
I hope this little lingerie guide gets you in the mood!
Tis the season to rush home girls, slip into something sexy and pop on your bedroom heels and say "hello lover" to your special Boo when he gets home tonight. Don't worry, Santa would thoroughly approve and he won't put you on the naughty list!